no its not "that" time of the month for me. I'm stressing, but its not something I haven't felt before.
but still, I'm ready to lock myself in my room and start crying.
sounds depressing? well I am depressed. I like smiling and laughing with friends, but when I sit down and go back to reality, I feel like I'm going to barf. I'm in a bad mood at home and my parents just aren't getting it. This is so frustrating because I don't know whats going on with me. My right arms being spazztic, my heads on fire, and my nose is being realllly annoying.
what to do with me? Maybe I'm going crazy.
I hate being moody and cranky and lame.
I don't have the time to be moody and cranky. I should actually have more energy so that I can complete all the tasks I need to do with a BAM.
but I don't always get everything I want, and I have to deal with that.
So.., I have to deal with this feeling for..how long? who knows? But I hope that time is soon cause I wanna start smiling again for no reason and start dancing.
I hope theres a name to my weird symptoms...except maybe bipolar. ha.ha.ha. just kidding.
I just realized that what I'm going through right now, is just like what Ron was going through in the last book when he was being all moody and depressed. it was because of that stupid necklace horcrux he was wearing around his neck. AT LEAST HE HAD SOMETHING TO BLAME HIS ACTIONS ON.
I don't, except just me.lame.
Hope I get some peace this week.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Yellow
So in my english class, we started "Huckleberry Finn" and I've just really gotten into the southern accent now. I know this might make me sound crazy and weird but when I hear the accent,all i can think of is this Mom in a questioning room with the FBI. Imagine thiss. Everything they say is with a southern accent...
Mom: My son did not kill a man.
FBI: I don't know what to tell you m'am. All the evidence we've found lead to him.
Mom: I know my son. And if he really did kill a man, I woulda known. And if I woulda known, he woulda been beaten by me and his a** stuck in jail.
Can't you imagine this in a tv episode for CSI or somethin. It's realllly random, but ...I don't know. It makes me laugh:)
So it's February. and soon, I'll have to take the SAT which I am NOT looking forward too. It is quite depressing..and now I will stop talking about it.
February is also the month where we have TWO 3-day weekends. And it's Valentine's Day.
You know, back when I was a kid, Valentine's Day wasn't that much of a deal to me. Except that my dad used to bring home chocolate and once when I was nine, my dad brought home this HUGEEEE doll of a dog. It was bigger than me! and I was so happy and felt like the luckiest kid in the world. Valentine's Day seemed cool back then. Now, when Valentine's Day comes, people go, "I feel so depressed, I don't have a man" and even at one point, I heard myself say, "aw crap, it's Valentine's Day" But I think we should'nt be like that anymore. Valentine's Day, people should be happy because it gives you an excuse to eat chocolate and to go out. EVEN if the chocolate isnt from a guy. Do I even make sense?
ah whatever. My point is. Don't get depressed because you don't have a boy to drool about. Just think of it as a happy day where you get to eat chocolate.
Sometimes, when I think about God, I automatically start worrying about others who don't believe. And that's a problem. A man once told me, "You have to take care of yourself before you start worrying about others" And he's right. Whats the point if someone cares and worries about the health of others when themself is sick and weak? Whats the point of me worrying about all the non believers when my relationship with the Lord is weak.
I have never doubted my faith about Jesus. But I have had days where I obsessed about other things and never thought about Jesus until the end of the day when I was ready to sleep. Just a prayer before bed isn't enough. And that troubles me. It sounds soo easy when I say, "Today, my focus will be on the Lord. I will stay on task." but I think thats the biggest challenge for me. Somtimes I wish that all the technology would have never been created becaus I think they pull me away from God.
I am dissapointed in myself at the moment. If you are reading this, please pray for me because I need all the prayer that I can get.
F-bombs should be illegal in my opinion. It's a harsh word and it can offend people.
I have a pimple like thing in my mouth, below my lip. It hurts when I eat food, especially oranges:( I think that's why I'm in such a depressed moood.
Woah, if you read this, you can see that the first half is light and the second half is a bit dark. thats strangee.
strange is my middle name.
HA
Peace
Mom: My son did not kill a man.
FBI: I don't know what to tell you m'am. All the evidence we've found lead to him.
Mom: I know my son. And if he really did kill a man, I woulda known. And if I woulda known, he woulda been beaten by me and his a** stuck in jail.
Can't you imagine this in a tv episode for CSI or somethin. It's realllly random, but ...I don't know. It makes me laugh:)
So it's February. and soon, I'll have to take the SAT which I am NOT looking forward too. It is quite depressing..and now I will stop talking about it.
February is also the month where we have TWO 3-day weekends. And it's Valentine's Day.
You know, back when I was a kid, Valentine's Day wasn't that much of a deal to me. Except that my dad used to bring home chocolate and once when I was nine, my dad brought home this HUGEEEE doll of a dog. It was bigger than me! and I was so happy and felt like the luckiest kid in the world. Valentine's Day seemed cool back then. Now, when Valentine's Day comes, people go, "I feel so depressed, I don't have a man" and even at one point, I heard myself say, "aw crap, it's Valentine's Day" But I think we should'nt be like that anymore. Valentine's Day, people should be happy because it gives you an excuse to eat chocolate and to go out. EVEN if the chocolate isnt from a guy. Do I even make sense?
ah whatever. My point is. Don't get depressed because you don't have a boy to drool about. Just think of it as a happy day where you get to eat chocolate.
Sometimes, when I think about God, I automatically start worrying about others who don't believe. And that's a problem. A man once told me, "You have to take care of yourself before you start worrying about others" And he's right. Whats the point if someone cares and worries about the health of others when themself is sick and weak? Whats the point of me worrying about all the non believers when my relationship with the Lord is weak.
I have never doubted my faith about Jesus. But I have had days where I obsessed about other things and never thought about Jesus until the end of the day when I was ready to sleep. Just a prayer before bed isn't enough. And that troubles me. It sounds soo easy when I say, "Today, my focus will be on the Lord. I will stay on task." but I think thats the biggest challenge for me. Somtimes I wish that all the technology would have never been created becaus I think they pull me away from God.
I am dissapointed in myself at the moment. If you are reading this, please pray for me because I need all the prayer that I can get.
F-bombs should be illegal in my opinion. It's a harsh word and it can offend people.
I have a pimple like thing in my mouth, below my lip. It hurts when I eat food, especially oranges:( I think that's why I'm in such a depressed moood.
Woah, if you read this, you can see that the first half is light and the second half is a bit dark. thats strangee.
strange is my middle name.
HA
Peace
Saturday, January 9, 2010
jokes
What can I do you for?
This phrase will keep me entertained for, hrmmmm; forever
I don't know why I think this is funny, but do I need a reason? nope. It's MY laugh box and I can laugh at whatever.
(for those of you who didn't get my "joke", the laugh box is from spongebob...)
I'm sitting next to the kitchen right now, and my mom just had a paper towel lit on fire. She tried to throw it in the sink to let it out but missed and fell on the floor. She screamed and picked it up and carefully lit it out. I laughed and she glared at me. I think I got my "cooking/clumsy" genes from her. (:
I skimmed through my previous posts the other day and I found so many grammar/spelling mistakes. It's funny how when you write it and look at it the same day, it sounds nice, but a week later, you're like "blah, what was I thinking?"
Kind of like the fashion trend...except I fail at trying to look nice. Nice comfy jeans. a cool comfy shirt. nice snuggy sweather. rainbows/uggs. ponytail or all down. im all good:)
My worst enemy is back. finals.
If we had a war against finals and teachers vs. students, I think students will win. Yea, teachers got authority and finals are scary, but when students are passionate about something, they are FIERCE. so if an adult is reading this (probably not) you better watch out! :)
I'm trying to think of ways to charm colleges. My grades won't charm em so maybe I, personally can. If you think of any ideas, lettme know.
This blog is.. pretty much pointless. Sorry, but it's my way of avoiding doing homework.
Happy Saturday:)
Peace
This phrase will keep me entertained for, hrmmmm; forever
I don't know why I think this is funny, but do I need a reason? nope. It's MY laugh box and I can laugh at whatever.
(for those of you who didn't get my "joke", the laugh box is from spongebob...)
I'm sitting next to the kitchen right now, and my mom just had a paper towel lit on fire. She tried to throw it in the sink to let it out but missed and fell on the floor. She screamed and picked it up and carefully lit it out. I laughed and she glared at me. I think I got my "cooking/clumsy" genes from her. (:
I skimmed through my previous posts the other day and I found so many grammar/spelling mistakes. It's funny how when you write it and look at it the same day, it sounds nice, but a week later, you're like "blah, what was I thinking?"
Kind of like the fashion trend...except I fail at trying to look nice. Nice comfy jeans. a cool comfy shirt. nice snuggy sweather. rainbows/uggs. ponytail or all down. im all good:)
My worst enemy is back. finals.
If we had a war against finals and teachers vs. students, I think students will win. Yea, teachers got authority and finals are scary, but when students are passionate about something, they are FIERCE. so if an adult is reading this (probably not) you better watch out! :)
I'm trying to think of ways to charm colleges. My grades won't charm em so maybe I, personally can. If you think of any ideas, lettme know.
This blog is.. pretty much pointless. Sorry, but it's my way of avoiding doing homework.
Happy Saturday:)
Peace
Monday, January 4, 2010
wowie
wowie its 2010...
and soon enough, its going to be 2013...I'll be twenty...It would have been 20 years since I had been born. But you guys all prob knew that cause unlike me, you guys love math:)
2009 I think wasn't my best year. I really wanna say it sucked, but I'd be lying AND I'd be sounding realllll selfiish. 2009 to me was strange. Both Good and Bad
I was more outgoing than any of the years.
I acted like myself around people instead of being the tall awkward quiet Asian...=)
I met new people and made new friends.
I became closer to older friends, friends I never thought I would care deeply for. I realized that high school wasn't the high school I thought it would be 4 years ago.
I accepted the fact that I was lazy.
I understood the true meaning of beliving in Christ, calling myself a true Christian.
I learned that regretting only creates stress.
I discovered amazing music that touched my heart (and created an obsession).
I found out that losing a close church member really hurts.
I came to hate racoons.
I came to trust God's plans for me
I probably learned/discovered more things than that list throughout the twelve months.. but these are the ones that popped into my head while I stared at my laptop screen.
I hope that God will make 2010 more productive for me. Make me become an active person.. not glued to my seat, staring at a time consuming, worthless piece of...
Ending this blog, I want to thank everybody that were part of my 2009. All those memories (even the bad ones) will hopefully stick with me forever so that I won't make the same mistakes again.
Thank you Lord for giving me another year of life. Thank you for guiding me throughout my life. Thank you for your blessing me and my family. Please help me become the child you want me to be. Help me spread the wonderful news about Christ. Help me show your love to others. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
PEACE&LOVE
and soon enough, its going to be 2013...I'll be twenty...It would have been 20 years since I had been born. But you guys all prob knew that cause unlike me, you guys love math:)
2009 I think wasn't my best year. I really wanna say it sucked, but I'd be lying AND I'd be sounding realllll selfiish. 2009 to me was strange. Both Good and Bad
I was more outgoing than any of the years.
I acted like myself around people instead of being the tall awkward quiet Asian...=)
I met new people and made new friends.
I became closer to older friends, friends I never thought I would care deeply for. I realized that high school wasn't the high school I thought it would be 4 years ago.
I accepted the fact that I was lazy.
I understood the true meaning of beliving in Christ, calling myself a true Christian.
I learned that regretting only creates stress.
I discovered amazing music that touched my heart (and created an obsession).
I found out that losing a close church member really hurts.
I came to hate racoons.
I came to trust God's plans for me
I probably learned/discovered more things than that list throughout the twelve months.. but these are the ones that popped into my head while I stared at my laptop screen.
I hope that God will make 2010 more productive for me. Make me become an active person.. not glued to my seat, staring at a time consuming, worthless piece of...
Ending this blog, I want to thank everybody that were part of my 2009. All those memories (even the bad ones) will hopefully stick with me forever so that I won't make the same mistakes again.
Thank you Lord for giving me another year of life. Thank you for guiding me throughout my life. Thank you for your blessing me and my family. Please help me become the child you want me to be. Help me spread the wonderful news about Christ. Help me show your love to others. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
PEACE&LOVE
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Thanksgiving, not Turkey
So, people are saying
HAPPY TURKEY DAY
HAPPY GOBBLE DAY
but its Thanksgiving. the day we all say what we are thankful for. the day we remember what we have in our lives and just be thankful for it. not turkey for it.
I've been told that I am rarely thankful for the things I have. That I am selfish...and yes sometimes i act selfish. but i dont do it intentionally. And me saying that just makes it sound like an excuse but I really mean it.
I am thankful for everything that goes on in my life. Even if they sometimes suck or can make my days lame, God put them in my life for a reason. that sounds cheesy, but it's true. so Thanks everyone for being in my life.
I am truly thankful for having God in my life. Even though im distracted by a lot of things these days, I make sure that I dont forget the one and only God. He's done so much for me and everybody out there in the world. and I want to be more like him.
Lord, Thank you for giving your life to save us all. Thank you.
Happy Thanksgiving:)
Thanks for the exisiting
peace in the world
HAPPY TURKEY DAY
HAPPY GOBBLE DAY
but its Thanksgiving. the day we all say what we are thankful for. the day we remember what we have in our lives and just be thankful for it. not turkey for it.
I've been told that I am rarely thankful for the things I have. That I am selfish...and yes sometimes i act selfish. but i dont do it intentionally. And me saying that just makes it sound like an excuse but I really mean it.
I am thankful for everything that goes on in my life. Even if they sometimes suck or can make my days lame, God put them in my life for a reason. that sounds cheesy, but it's true. so Thanks everyone for being in my life.
I am truly thankful for having God in my life. Even though im distracted by a lot of things these days, I make sure that I dont forget the one and only God. He's done so much for me and everybody out there in the world. and I want to be more like him.
Lord, Thank you for giving your life to save us all. Thank you.
Happy Thanksgiving:)
Thanks for the exisiting
peace in the world
Sunday, November 22, 2009
thetruth
I tried Lord
I tried Lord
I tried hard to be Your good little boy
Chin up, head high
All zeal and no joy
Thinking all my good deeds could please Jesus
Boy, was I wrong
Though I knew the right songs, all my cymbals and gongs played the melodies wrong
And it wasn’t long ‘til I saw my disease
A life spent wanting to please
On hands and knees
To make right, to appease
God help me please
This can’t be Christianity, it can’t be
The whole thing’s like insanity
Where’s the rest of eternal security?
Where’s the hope of a God big enough to cope with all my hang-ups and insecurities?
Certainly this isn’t breathing
My chest burning and heaving
It’s like my pulse is ceasing
Like my heart quits beating
Yet this I recall to mind and therefore I have hope:
You died, Lord
You died, Lord
Assuredly, like the coming of the dawn, the Father’s love song goes on
Drowning out my bitter songs
And breaking through walls and barriers
Christ swoops in, removes sin, picks up His bride and carries her
So I can sing in agreement with the King this thing:
There’s only one thing that pleases the Father
The God-man on the tree in the midst of the scoffers
Now I finally see that Christ is what Christ offers
And I’m finally free in the love of the Father.
-Jimmy Needham
when i first heard this, my skin got goosbumps and i really got emotional. I think he is a great song writer. you guys all should go listen to him. great voice. talented.
i officially made quidditch my favorite sport. one word:awesome
yall peaceee
I tried Lord
I tried hard to be Your good little boy
Chin up, head high
All zeal and no joy
Thinking all my good deeds could please Jesus
Boy, was I wrong
Though I knew the right songs, all my cymbals and gongs played the melodies wrong
And it wasn’t long ‘til I saw my disease
A life spent wanting to please
On hands and knees
To make right, to appease
God help me please
This can’t be Christianity, it can’t be
The whole thing’s like insanity
Where’s the rest of eternal security?
Where’s the hope of a God big enough to cope with all my hang-ups and insecurities?
Certainly this isn’t breathing
My chest burning and heaving
It’s like my pulse is ceasing
Like my heart quits beating
Yet this I recall to mind and therefore I have hope:
You died, Lord
You died, Lord
Assuredly, like the coming of the dawn, the Father’s love song goes on
Drowning out my bitter songs
And breaking through walls and barriers
Christ swoops in, removes sin, picks up His bride and carries her
So I can sing in agreement with the King this thing:
There’s only one thing that pleases the Father
The God-man on the tree in the midst of the scoffers
Now I finally see that Christ is what Christ offers
And I’m finally free in the love of the Father.
-Jimmy Needham
when i first heard this, my skin got goosbumps and i really got emotional. I think he is a great song writer. you guys all should go listen to him. great voice. talented.
i officially made quidditch my favorite sport. one word:awesome
yall peaceee
Monday, November 9, 2009
cloudy
Today, Kailey told me that she reads my blogs. (:
it made me very happy. and i realized i needed to update.
my dog died. Dooley was 7 years old. i loved him. a lot and im going to miss him like crazy. 10.12.09
This year, is hard. i want to cry everytime i think about my grades and i can imagine what my mom is going to say to me when those report cards go home...
darkness is LOOOOMING closer and closer. (my english teacher used that word today:)...mobydick-_-)
But in between my harsh schoolwork and stress are my...friends<3
They mean soo much to me and they make my days so much easier.
I love you guys, and thank you. really.
but this week is going to be nice i think. on Wednesday, there is no school, so i will be devoting my life to APUSH so that i can get a A on my test. frsureee. and on FRIDAY i think there will be a sleeeeepover with probably the coolest girls at school:) and we can be little girlies and gossip and sing and eat icecream and share our love for parachute...
which reminds me...PARACHUTE IS AWESOME. they are an amazing band with amazing music, and i think everybody should be obsessed with them like me and hannah and kailey and madison. pretty much all the cool kids;) jaykay:D I got to see them live which i thought would never be possible and got a picture with them. purtty cooool! me and Johnny(drummmmer) have an inside joke..
"are you old enough to drink?"
"shhhhh"
its also me and madddie's joke;)
hehehe. thinking of this can always make me smile.
its sad to admit this but i think im growing apart from God these days. All the bad things that go on in my life just cloudd around my head and it makes me forget sometimes that God is here to listen and he can help. But i.always.forget. I need to just aseoituadkfjoawiajflkd and trust God. "All things are possible through God."
please pray for me cause i reallly need it.
Lord, please help me receive your strength&
peace,
parkhannahkrap
it made me very happy. and i realized i needed to update.
my dog died. Dooley was 7 years old. i loved him. a lot and im going to miss him like crazy. 10.12.09
This year, is hard. i want to cry everytime i think about my grades and i can imagine what my mom is going to say to me when those report cards go home...
darkness is LOOOOMING closer and closer. (my english teacher used that word today:)...mobydick-_-)
But in between my harsh schoolwork and stress are my...friends<3
They mean soo much to me and they make my days so much easier.
I love you guys, and thank you. really.
but this week is going to be nice i think. on Wednesday, there is no school, so i will be devoting my life to APUSH so that i can get a A on my test. frsureee. and on FRIDAY i think there will be a sleeeeepover with probably the coolest girls at school:) and we can be little girlies and gossip and sing and eat icecream and share our love for parachute...
which reminds me...PARACHUTE IS AWESOME. they are an amazing band with amazing music, and i think everybody should be obsessed with them like me and hannah and kailey and madison. pretty much all the cool kids;) jaykay:D I got to see them live which i thought would never be possible and got a picture with them. purtty cooool! me and Johnny(drummmmer) have an inside joke..
"are you old enough to drink?"
"shhhhh"
its also me and madddie's joke;)
hehehe. thinking of this can always make me smile.
its sad to admit this but i think im growing apart from God these days. All the bad things that go on in my life just cloudd around my head and it makes me forget sometimes that God is here to listen and he can help. But i.always.forget. I need to just aseoituadkfjoawiajflkd and trust God. "All things are possible through God."
please pray for me cause i reallly need it.
Lord, please help me receive your strength&
peace,
parkhannahkrap
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