so personal

You know when you heard about someone, but you don't really know them, but you kind of do because of other people's remarks and saying. Well today, I met someone who did not know that I existed, but I knew that that person existed...That does not make ANY sense. haha. but you get what i mean,, right?

I remember that person saying something like, "my weakness is the fact that i am a people pleaser. I always try to please everybody, and thats pretty much impossible" SOMETHING like that. and that got me thinking...

I have a mom and a dad. But they are so different from eachother and its sometimes hard to please them both. My dad is a pastor and VERY spiritual. My mom grew up with churches and is somewhat spiritual. Although they believe in the same God, the way they look at things and the way they have their connectin with God is different. and me, im stuck in the middle, and because i am so confused on what to do, my relationship wiht God has been distant lately...very.

I pray every night to God. Thank him for giving me this bad/wonderful/okay/exciting day. it always depends. and right after, i list all these things i want or i want to accomplish and in a few words or so, i tell him how much i love him.

But thats it. I never find the time or am lazy to read the bible. and as i write this, i want to punch myself. before i go to bed, there is always someone saying "Hannah, man up and read the bible" "Hannah, just for 2 min., read the bible" but, i pick up a twilight book instead.

and what does this have to do with today? i dont know. but talking with this person and listening to that persons thoughts and seeing all that the person has done, it made me realize that i need to change. not change my hairstyle, or the way i talk, or my personality. change the direction that i am heading right now. i need to turn around and go a different road because i know that if i keep living like this, i might lose my faith in Jesus and ill become someone who..i dont know who ill become. but i know that its not someone that my parents want me to be or someone who God wants me to be. its gonna be tough cause my dad will want me to do this, and my mom will want me to do this, but i know that if i pray, God will find a way. and in the end, its going to please everybody...


that felt good. and im not just saying this. im gonna really try. im gonna rebuild my relationship with Jesus. Thanks for inspiring me, _________.

peaceee