no its not "that" time of the month for me. I'm stressing, but its not something I haven't felt before.
but still, I'm ready to lock myself in my room and start crying.
sounds depressing? well I am depressed. I like smiling and laughing with friends, but when I sit down and go back to reality, I feel like I'm going to barf. I'm in a bad mood at home and my parents just aren't getting it. This is so frustrating because I don't know whats going on with me. My right arms being spazztic, my heads on fire, and my nose is being realllly annoying.
what to do with me? Maybe I'm going crazy.
I hate being moody and cranky and lame.
I don't have the time to be moody and cranky. I should actually have more energy so that I can complete all the tasks I need to do with a BAM.
but I don't always get everything I want, and I have to deal with that.
So.., I have to deal with this feeling for..how long? who knows? But I hope that time is soon cause I wanna start smiling again for no reason and start dancing.
I hope theres a name to my weird symptoms...except maybe bipolar. ha.ha.ha. just kidding.
I just realized that what I'm going through right now, is just like what Ron was going through in the last book when he was being all moody and depressed. it was because of that stupid necklace horcrux he was wearing around his neck. AT LEAST HE HAD SOMETHING TO BLAME HIS ACTIONS ON.
I don't, except just me.lame.
Hope I get some peace this week.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Yellow
So in my english class, we started "Huckleberry Finn" and I've just really gotten into the southern accent now. I know this might make me sound crazy and weird but when I hear the accent,all i can think of is this Mom in a questioning room with the FBI. Imagine thiss. Everything they say is with a southern accent...
Mom: My son did not kill a man.
FBI: I don't know what to tell you m'am. All the evidence we've found lead to him.
Mom: I know my son. And if he really did kill a man, I woulda known. And if I woulda known, he woulda been beaten by me and his a** stuck in jail.
Can't you imagine this in a tv episode for CSI or somethin. It's realllly random, but ...I don't know. It makes me laugh:)
So it's February. and soon, I'll have to take the SAT which I am NOT looking forward too. It is quite depressing..and now I will stop talking about it.
February is also the month where we have TWO 3-day weekends. And it's Valentine's Day.
You know, back when I was a kid, Valentine's Day wasn't that much of a deal to me. Except that my dad used to bring home chocolate and once when I was nine, my dad brought home this HUGEEEE doll of a dog. It was bigger than me! and I was so happy and felt like the luckiest kid in the world. Valentine's Day seemed cool back then. Now, when Valentine's Day comes, people go, "I feel so depressed, I don't have a man" and even at one point, I heard myself say, "aw crap, it's Valentine's Day" But I think we should'nt be like that anymore. Valentine's Day, people should be happy because it gives you an excuse to eat chocolate and to go out. EVEN if the chocolate isnt from a guy. Do I even make sense?
ah whatever. My point is. Don't get depressed because you don't have a boy to drool about. Just think of it as a happy day where you get to eat chocolate.
Sometimes, when I think about God, I automatically start worrying about others who don't believe. And that's a problem. A man once told me, "You have to take care of yourself before you start worrying about others" And he's right. Whats the point if someone cares and worries about the health of others when themself is sick and weak? Whats the point of me worrying about all the non believers when my relationship with the Lord is weak.
I have never doubted my faith about Jesus. But I have had days where I obsessed about other things and never thought about Jesus until the end of the day when I was ready to sleep. Just a prayer before bed isn't enough. And that troubles me. It sounds soo easy when I say, "Today, my focus will be on the Lord. I will stay on task." but I think thats the biggest challenge for me. Somtimes I wish that all the technology would have never been created becaus I think they pull me away from God.
I am dissapointed in myself at the moment. If you are reading this, please pray for me because I need all the prayer that I can get.
F-bombs should be illegal in my opinion. It's a harsh word and it can offend people.
I have a pimple like thing in my mouth, below my lip. It hurts when I eat food, especially oranges:( I think that's why I'm in such a depressed moood.
Woah, if you read this, you can see that the first half is light and the second half is a bit dark. thats strangee.
strange is my middle name.
HA
Peace
Mom: My son did not kill a man.
FBI: I don't know what to tell you m'am. All the evidence we've found lead to him.
Mom: I know my son. And if he really did kill a man, I woulda known. And if I woulda known, he woulda been beaten by me and his a** stuck in jail.
Can't you imagine this in a tv episode for CSI or somethin. It's realllly random, but ...I don't know. It makes me laugh:)
So it's February. and soon, I'll have to take the SAT which I am NOT looking forward too. It is quite depressing..and now I will stop talking about it.
February is also the month where we have TWO 3-day weekends. And it's Valentine's Day.
You know, back when I was a kid, Valentine's Day wasn't that much of a deal to me. Except that my dad used to bring home chocolate and once when I was nine, my dad brought home this HUGEEEE doll of a dog. It was bigger than me! and I was so happy and felt like the luckiest kid in the world. Valentine's Day seemed cool back then. Now, when Valentine's Day comes, people go, "I feel so depressed, I don't have a man" and even at one point, I heard myself say, "aw crap, it's Valentine's Day" But I think we should'nt be like that anymore. Valentine's Day, people should be happy because it gives you an excuse to eat chocolate and to go out. EVEN if the chocolate isnt from a guy. Do I even make sense?
ah whatever. My point is. Don't get depressed because you don't have a boy to drool about. Just think of it as a happy day where you get to eat chocolate.
Sometimes, when I think about God, I automatically start worrying about others who don't believe. And that's a problem. A man once told me, "You have to take care of yourself before you start worrying about others" And he's right. Whats the point if someone cares and worries about the health of others when themself is sick and weak? Whats the point of me worrying about all the non believers when my relationship with the Lord is weak.
I have never doubted my faith about Jesus. But I have had days where I obsessed about other things and never thought about Jesus until the end of the day when I was ready to sleep. Just a prayer before bed isn't enough. And that troubles me. It sounds soo easy when I say, "Today, my focus will be on the Lord. I will stay on task." but I think thats the biggest challenge for me. Somtimes I wish that all the technology would have never been created becaus I think they pull me away from God.
I am dissapointed in myself at the moment. If you are reading this, please pray for me because I need all the prayer that I can get.
F-bombs should be illegal in my opinion. It's a harsh word and it can offend people.
I have a pimple like thing in my mouth, below my lip. It hurts when I eat food, especially oranges:( I think that's why I'm in such a depressed moood.
Woah, if you read this, you can see that the first half is light and the second half is a bit dark. thats strangee.
strange is my middle name.
HA
Peace
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