life is a song

so

2011-10-03T20:52:00.000-07:00

I posted something on tumblr. and found out that some people weren't happy with my beliefs. kind of mocked it.

It hurt a little. It shouldn't though cause people's comments about my faith and my life and me shouldn't affect me. But they are my friends and it makes me more sad that they don't know the truth. And I don't mean to sound like some "I KONW THE TRUTH AND YOU DON'T HAHA" but seriously. It is a really sad sad sad sad sad thing when people don't know who Jesus is. Who created us. How this world came to be. WHY there are horrible horrible things in the world.

Yes, it looks horrible. But you know what?
we are all sinners. We were born sinners. We can't do anything about that and because of that we are in this world called Earth. So beautifully made but in this word is surrounded by sin. And this earth will NEVER be perfect until Jesus comes down and takes all the saved ones to the new Heaven.

This isn't from my head, it's from the bible. I would quote every single thing I just wrote right now but I have a midterm to study for and the only reason I wrote this is because I was so frustrated with what I had come across on tumblr. Anyway, I'm probably just too stressed and overreacting. oh well.

If you read this and think I'm crazy, I don't care. Cause I'm not.

Chocolate

2011-02-14T21:28:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged in a while.

I've been so used to going to tumblr and doing lil rants about my day...I'm sorry blog :(

Well if anybody reads this...

I am now a senior. It is year 2011. Egypt's President stepped down as ruler. I have nothing to do. I'm in love.

Well, maybe not IN love but... no, yes. I am in love.

He is this guy. Has a great sense of humor. We've met a couple of times. I felt a connection. He's kind of older than me.

Oh, and he's in a band that is rising in popularity.

I honestly would love. I would DIE if I got to go to lunch with Johnny. Just learn a lil more about him.

It sometimes really hurts and gets me really depressed when I realize that I may never get what I want. Why would he want to do anything with me? But I keep hoping that if it really is meant to be... God will put him in my life. And if we don't end up becoming lovers...that is fine. But I would like for us to become bffs.

Today is Valentine's Day. And I thought about Johnny... I wonder who's in his mind!

peace up A town

crawl

2010-05-27T18:51:00.000-07:00

"Hannah! Woahhhh, come loook. Quickly! woahhhhh"

Thats my dads way of getting my attention. And of course I would go and see that his little "woahs" were because of a stupid spider on the ceiling. I rolled my eyes and walk back into my rooom. 7 minutes later, my dad walks in and then quickly walks out. And I, being me, wouldn't care why he came in. I igonred him.

Turns out, he killed the spider and put in next o my computer. OF COURSE HE WOULD DO THAT.
I screamed and screamed until he took it away. My dad thinks it's funny that I scream.

okay that's my story.
peace

fever

2010-04-24T21:56:00.000-07:00

Me: we meet again.
creature:*buzz*
Me: so you wanna play games?
creature:*smirks*
Me: FINE. then come get me.
creature:*comes closer*
Me: GET AWAY YOU MONSTER
creature:*smirks and flies away*
Me: ohhhh, no. no no no no. come back here you little-
Mom: Hannah, what are you doing?
Me: MOM, DON'T DISTRACT ME. I GOT THIS
Mom: *signs* go do something more productive. go read.
Me: MOM, PLEASE DON'T TRY TO BREAK MY EYE CONTACT RIGHT NOW. I DON'T WANNA LOOSE HIM AGAIN!
Mom: *shakes her head and walks away*
Me:*scoffs* thought I'd get distracted, didn't ya. well I ain't dumb. I've got my eyes on you..
creature: *goes the other direction when, poof. disappears*
Me: NOOOOO. WHEREDYA GO! NONONON, THIS IS NOT GOOD. NOTT GOOD

10 minutes later...

Me: *Sitting on the couch, but something catches her eye* so you're back...you really do like me
creature: *laughs, and starts dancing*
Me: yeah, go ahead. go do your little dance. but once i get you, I'M GONNA BE DANCING!
creature: *rolls eye and lands on the floor for a break*
BAM
Me: HAHAHAHAHA, WHO'S LAUGHING NOW!? WHO IS LAUGHING NOW!?
creature: -silence-
Mom: Hannah, you need help.

this happened tonight for like...45 minutes.
the creature was being annoying, and I had to get rid of it. I know, I know, I shouldn't kill...but... :(

So I diagnosed myself with the...
SCHNOODLE FEVER :D
Maddie's dog Jet is adorable and I fell in love with him like two weeks ago. Now I want my own, and my parents are being poopy heads:(

I'm going to war with the APs coming up this May. wish me luck:D

hopefully, by the end of May, my mind will be at
peace

moooody

2010-03-18T18:59:00.000-07:00

so right below me is the blog I wrote like two weeks ago, but I never finished it...

-THE BLOG I WROTE TWO OR THREE WEEKS AGO...-
my titles for my lil blogs are random. I stare at my screen and think, "what shall I name this one?" and then POP, it comes to me and then I type it next to the Title:

The last couple of weeks, I was so inspired to write blogs but I never got the time! :( Now I don't remember what I wanted to write about and this really makes me sad:/ I'm busy right now too, but I have to write before I forget EVERYTHING and then I'll be discouraged to write a blogs forever and it'll all just go downhill and I do not want that.

so things i wanted to write about...

When you go on the freeway towards Glendale from La Crescenta, you'll see this sign. 5 minutes after you get on the freeway,you'll pass this hideous, offensive sign that says..."Atheists United"
CMMON!?!? I don't see the point of this sign. You know, signs on the side of a freeway cost a fortune!! or they are cleaning the highway and gettin the sign as a "thanks" but why put "ATHEISTS UNITED" there? A "DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE" or "WATCH THE ROAD" can be better and more beneficial, no?!
-END OF THE BLOG I WROTE TWO/THREE WEEKS AGO...-

It's funny how I was writing about this "sign" because recently, someone clever (and whoever did this, HIGHFIVE!) got white spray paint, and covered the "A" of the Atheists! :D so now, it just looks like "THESITS UNITED"
HAHAHAHAHAH, I find this very enjoyable:)

So today is the last day to my spring break. I literally did NOTHING this spring break,, it's quite sad. EXCEPT yesterday, I had dinner with the wonderful Hannah, Madison, and Kailey. It was nice and refreshing(: But today is Monday, the last free day and I'm stuck at home. Plus, I don't have homework because my teachers were very very nice this year.

Recently, I got tested at the doctors and the results that came out weren't quite nice. The test revealed that...
-I had way too much stress
-I have a weak heart
-my intestines are weird or something
-blah blah blah blah
yeaop. so if you intend on scaring me or something, think again because I might have a heart attack and die:)

I had so much other things to write, but I'm not in a blogging mood.
I'm frustrated.
:)

peace

butterflies

2010-02-24T22:29:00.001-08:00

no its not "that" time of the month for me. I'm stressing, but its not something I haven't felt before.

but still, I'm ready to lock myself in my room and start crying.

sounds depressing? well I am depressed. I like smiling and laughing with friends, but when I sit down and go back to reality, I feel like I'm going to barf. I'm in a bad mood at home and my parents just aren't getting it. This is so frustrating because I don't know whats going on with me. My right arms being spazztic, my heads on fire, and my nose is being realllly annoying.

what to do with me? Maybe I'm going crazy.
I hate being moody and cranky and lame.
I don't have the time to be moody and cranky. I should actually have more energy so that I can complete all the tasks I need to do with a BAM.

but I don't always get everything I want, and I have to deal with that.
So.., I have to deal with this feeling for..how long? who knows? But I hope that time is soon cause I wanna start smiling again for no reason and start dancing.

I hope theres a name to my weird symptoms...except maybe bipolar. ha.ha.ha. just kidding.

I just realized that what I'm going through right now, is just like what Ron was going through in the last book when he was being all moody and depressed. it was because of that stupid necklace horcrux he was wearing around his neck. AT LEAST HE HAD SOMETHING TO BLAME HIS ACTIONS ON.
I don't, except just me.lame.

Hope I get some peace this week.

Yellow

2010-02-06T20:34:00.000-08:00

So in my english class, we started "Huckleberry Finn" and I've just really gotten into the southern accent now. I know this might make me sound crazy and weird but when I hear the accent,all i can think of is this Mom in a questioning room with the FBI. Imagine thiss. Everything they say is with a southern accent...

Mom: My son did not kill a man.
FBI: I don't know what to tell you m'am. All the evidence we've found lead to him.
Mom: I know my son. And if he really did kill a man, I woulda known. And if I woulda known, he woulda been beaten by me and his a** stuck in jail.

Can't you imagine this in a tv episode for CSI or somethin. It's realllly random, but ...I don't know. It makes me laugh:)

So it's February. and soon, I'll have to take the SAT which I am NOT looking forward too. It is quite depressing..and now I will stop talking about it.
February is also the month where we have TWO 3-day weekends. And it's Valentine's Day.

You know, back when I was a kid, Valentine's Day wasn't that much of a deal to me. Except that my dad used to bring home chocolate and once when I was nine, my dad brought home this HUGEEEE doll of a dog. It was bigger than me! and I was so happy and felt like the luckiest kid in the world. Valentine's Day seemed cool back then. Now, when Valentine's Day comes, people go, "I feel so depressed, I don't have a man" and even at one point, I heard myself say, "aw crap, it's Valentine's Day" But I think we should'nt be like that anymore. Valentine's Day, people should be happy because it gives you an excuse to eat chocolate and to go out. EVEN if the chocolate isnt from a guy. Do I even make sense?
ah whatever. My point is. Don't get depressed because you don't have a boy to drool about. Just think of it as a happy day where you get to eat chocolate.

Sometimes, when I think about God, I automatically start worrying about others who don't believe. And that's a problem. A man once told me, "You have to take care of yourself before you start worrying about others" And he's right. Whats the point if someone cares and worries about the health of others when themself is sick and weak? Whats the point of me worrying about all the non believers when my relationship with the Lord is weak.
I have never doubted my faith about Jesus. But I have had days where I obsessed about other things and never thought about Jesus until the end of the day when I was ready to sleep. Just a prayer before bed isn't enough. And that troubles me. It sounds soo easy when I say, "Today, my focus will be on the Lord. I will stay on task." but I think thats the biggest challenge for me. Somtimes I wish that all the technology would have never been created becaus I think they pull me away from God.

I am dissapointed in myself at the moment. If you are reading this, please pray for me because I need all the prayer that I can get.

F-bombs should be illegal in my opinion. It's a harsh word and it can offend people.
I have a pimple like thing in my mouth, below my lip. It hurts when I eat food, especially oranges:( I think that's why I'm in such a depressed moood.

Woah, if you read this, you can see that the first half is light and the second half is a bit dark. thats strangee.

strange is my middle name.
HA

Peace

jokes

2010-01-09T19:16:00.000-08:00

What can I do you for?

This phrase will keep me entertained for, hrmmmm; forever
I don't know why I think this is funny, but do I need a reason? nope. It's MY laugh box and I can laugh at whatever.
(for those of you who didn't get my "joke", the laugh box is from spongebob...)

I'm sitting next to the kitchen right now, and my mom just had a paper towel lit on fire. She tried to throw it in the sink to let it out but missed and fell on the floor. She screamed and picked it up and carefully lit it out. I laughed and she glared at me. I think I got my "cooking/clumsy" genes from her. (:

I skimmed through my previous posts the other day and I found so many grammar/spelling mistakes. It's funny how when you write it and look at it the same day, it sounds nice, but a week later, you're like "blah, what was I thinking?"
Kind of like the fashion trend...except I fail at trying to look nice. Nice comfy jeans. a cool comfy shirt. nice snuggy sweather. rainbows/uggs. ponytail or all down. im all good:)

My worst enemy is back. finals.
If we had a war against finals and teachers vs. students, I think students will win. Yea, teachers got authority and finals are scary, but when students are passionate about something, they are FIERCE. so if an adult is reading this (probably not) you better watch out! :)

I'm trying to think of ways to charm colleges. My grades won't charm em so maybe I, personally can. If you think of any ideas, lettme know.

This blog is.. pretty much pointless. Sorry, but it's my way of avoiding doing homework.

Happy Saturday:)

Peace

wowie

2010-01-04T18:04:00.000-08:00

wowie its 2010...
and soon enough, its going to be 2013...I'll be twenty...It would have been 20 years since I had been born. But you guys all prob knew that cause unlike me, you guys love math:)

2009 I think wasn't my best year. I really wanna say it sucked, but I'd be lying AND I'd be sounding realllll selfiish. 2009 to me was strange. Both Good and Bad

I was more outgoing than any of the years.
I acted like myself around people instead of being the tall awkward quiet Asian...=)
I met new people and made new friends.
I became closer to older friends, friends I never thought I would care deeply for. I realized that high school wasn't the high school I thought it would be 4 years ago.
I accepted the fact that I was lazy.
I understood the true meaning of beliving in Christ, calling myself a true Christian.
I learned that regretting only creates stress.
I discovered amazing music that touched my heart (and created an obsession).
I found out that losing a close church member really hurts.
I came to hate racoons.
I came to trust God's plans for me

I probably learned/discovered more things than that list throughout the twelve months.. but these are the ones that popped into my head while I stared at my laptop screen.

I hope that God will make 2010 more productive for me. Make me become an active person.. not glued to my seat, staring at a time consuming, worthless piece of...

Ending this blog, I want to thank everybody that were part of my 2009. All those memories (even the bad ones) will hopefully stick with me forever so that I won't make the same mistakes again.
Thank you Lord for giving me another year of life. Thank you for guiding me throughout my life. Thank you for your blessing me and my family. Please help me become the child you want me to be. Help me spread the wonderful news about Christ. Help me show your love to others. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

PEACE&LOVE

Thanksgiving, not Turkey

2009-11-26T11:51:00.000-08:00

So, people are saying
HAPPY TURKEY DAY
HAPPY GOBBLE DAY
but its Thanksgiving. the day we all say what we are thankful for. the day we remember what we have in our lives and just be thankful for it. not turkey for it.

I've been told that I am rarely thankful for the things I have. That I am selfish...and yes sometimes i act selfish. but i dont do it intentionally. And me saying that just makes it sound like an excuse but I really mean it.

I am thankful for everything that goes on in my life. Even if they sometimes suck or can make my days lame, God put them in my life for a reason. that sounds cheesy, but it's true. so Thanks everyone for being in my life.
I am truly thankful for having God in my life. Even though im distracted by a lot of things these days, I make sure that I dont forget the one and only God. He's done so much for me and everybody out there in the world. and I want to be more like him.

Lord, Thank you for giving your life to save us all. Thank you.

Happy Thanksgiving:)

Thanks for the exisiting
peace in the world

thetruth

2009-11-22T17:31:00.000-08:00

I tried Lord
I tried Lord
I tried hard to be Your good little boy
Chin up, head high
All zeal and no joy
Thinking all my good deeds could please Jesus
Boy, was I wrong
Though I knew the right songs, all my cymbals and gongs played the melodies wrong
And it wasn’t long ‘til I saw my disease
A life spent wanting to please
On hands and knees
To make right, to appease
God help me please
This can’t be Christianity, it can’t be
The whole thing’s like insanity
Where’s the rest of eternal security?
Where’s the hope of a God big enough to cope with all my hang-ups and insecurities?
Certainly this isn’t breathing
My chest burning and heaving
It’s like my pulse is ceasing
Like my heart quits beating
Yet this I recall to mind and therefore I have hope:
You died, Lord
You died, Lord
Assuredly, like the coming of the dawn, the Father’s love song goes on
Drowning out my bitter songs
And breaking through walls and barriers
Christ swoops in, removes sin, picks up His bride and carries her
So I can sing in agreement with the King this thing:
There’s only one thing that pleases the Father
The God-man on the tree in the midst of the scoffers
Now I finally see that Christ is what Christ offers
And I’m finally free in the love of the Father.
-Jimmy Needham

when i first heard this, my skin got goosbumps and i really got emotional. I think he is a great song writer. you guys all should go listen to him. great voice. talented.

i officially made quidditch my favorite sport. one word:awesome

yall peaceee

cloudy

2009-11-09T18:09:00.000-08:00

Today, Kailey told me that she reads my blogs. (:
it made me very happy. and i realized i needed to update.

my dog died. Dooley was 7 years old. i loved him. a lot and im going to miss him like crazy. 10.12.09

This year, is hard. i want to cry everytime i think about my grades and i can imagine what my mom is going to say to me when those report cards go home...
darkness is LOOOOMING closer and closer. (my english teacher used that word today:)...mobydick-_-)

But in between my harsh schoolwork and stress are my...friends<3
They mean soo much to me and they make my days so much easier.
I love you guys, and thank you. really.

but this week is going to be nice i think. on Wednesday, there is no school, so i will be devoting my life to APUSH so that i can get a A on my test. frsureee. and on FRIDAY i think there will be a sleeeeepover with probably the coolest girls at school:) and we can be little girlies and gossip and sing and eat icecream and share our love for parachute...

which reminds me...PARACHUTE IS AWESOME. they are an amazing band with amazing music, and i think everybody should be obsessed with them like me and hannah and kailey and madison. pretty much all the cool kids;) jaykay:D I got to see them live which i thought would never be possible and got a picture with them. purtty cooool! me and Johnny(drummmmer) have an inside joke..
"are you old enough to drink?"
"shhhhh"
its also me and madddie's joke;)
hehehe. thinking of this can always make me smile.

its sad to admit this but i think im growing apart from God these days. All the bad things that go on in my life just cloudd around my head and it makes me forget sometimes that God is here to listen and he can help. But i.always.forget. I need to just aseoituadkfjoawiajflkd and trust God. "All things are possible through God."
please pray for me cause i reallly need it.

Lord, please help me receive your strength&
peace,
parkhannahkrap

inside out

2009-10-22T18:22:00.000-07:00

its October.
im going to school.
and i want to cry.

everything that happens around me somehow turns bad and finds a way to bug me. this week was so lame, i wish i could throw it away. but time is valuable and i know i dont mean that. butt, i wish this week would be over soon..and it will cause todays a thursday:)

i have gcc tonight. gotta quiz. im tired of my teacher telling me that i suck at signing. yeah, im a little slower and im not as enthusiastic as others, but i have so many other things going on in my mind, that i dont have the time to practice signing for an hour at home.

i have a quiz today, so wish me luck.
i need to focus on my school work.
it needs to get cold again.
and i need a vacation...already.

I nead some faith&
peace.

burnin up

2009-09-01T13:51:00.000-07:00

has this been a week or whattt. its only Monday, but the past week has been...purtty crazzy.

Last week was suppose to be the last week of summer vacation...but it wasnt. This huge fire broke out in La Canada..and now in La Crescenta..and now in Sunland. its HUGE. GINORMOUS. CRAZY. anyway, this fire at first was...exciting. cool.. nothing really happens in La Crescenta, but now, our town's name has been mentioned at least 100 times on tv. but looking at the yellow/orange sky. the red sparks in the mountains. friends evacuating. schools cancelling. its pretty annoying now. and i want it to STOP.

Also last week, i had my early birthday party thingy. me and my awesome friends got together and saw LEGALLY BLONDE:THE MUSICAL. it was pretty ntighttt. i had soo much fun and i owe it all to my buddds:)

Today, i turned 16...finally:D
Im in my moms office right now. waiting for...well really nothing. But im okay. i like being alone. sometimes, people need to be alone so that they can think.dream.process everything they've experienced.

before i started todays blog, i thought of all the crappy things that happened this past week. there was a lot. i was hurt and angry and depressed. but i said to myself, oh whattheheck. its my birthday, and i should be happy. so im gonna skip all of that. im going to enjoy today and tomorrow.

happy birthday katie, madison, grace, and Dr.Phil!:)
cool how we all have the same birthday;D

have a wonderful September 1st no school smokey hot day:)

love&
peace

family

2009-08-17T18:26:00.000-07:00

I wish everyone knew how important and special family time is. To be honest, I enjoy spending time with my family (cousins, aunt/uncles, grandma/grandpa) more than with my friends. I love my friends and all, but being with my family truly makes me happy. and i always try to remember that...God is part of my family too. I forget sometimes. Anyway, Happy Aguest 17th! :)

Peace

cool

2009-08-09T21:48:00.000-07:00

it has been quite a long time since i've written. but nothing BIG happened since the last time i wrote. My depression went away. i saw harry potter. and i finished summer school:) i also went to two camps which were fun. im also still working on my SAT score. and my distant cousins from Germany are visiting:)

So today, i was at church and this police car came in. and me and other church people were like O.o so me, trying to be cool and lame, went up to the police officer and asked, "is there a problem, Officer?" HAHAHAHAH. like in those movies when people go, is there a problem officer? you know? get it? i dont know if you do, but it was realllllly funny. and i laughed a lot. by myself because nobody at church got my little stunt. except a three year old who laughed cause i was laughing. i had fun.

After church, me, my dad, my mom, my cousin faith, &my cousin hanna went to go see my step brother in Fullerton. We saw G.I Joe (great movie. the guys there are all hot:D) and we went to Top Class Pizza(Great pizza. i recommend it!) to eat dinner and it got kind of chilly so i grabbed my dads car key and walked over to his car. Next to my dads car were these people who were having a friendly conversation. they looked like they were all family and i saw this little girl drawing on my dads car. i smiled cause it was cute and i went over to her and i asked her nicely, "Hey, excuse me for a second, i need to open the trunk:)" and i pressed the unlock button and i pulled the trunk handle. it didnt open. i tried again and all of a sudden, i hear a "Hey, this is my car" To my right was the man in the family group next to the car that i thought was my dads. they ALL started to laugh.. i was so humiliated, i felt my face getting red and hot so i just yelled sorry and ran. i didnt see a car coming by and it literally was going to hit me but it stopped. i heard the family laugh even harder and i ran off again...
i forgot that my dads car was parked somewhere different today. (its usually parked there. the place where i looked like a fool and was almost hit by a car.) anyway, i went to my dads real car, grabbed his fat jacket. put it on. wore my moms sunglasses and laughed and cried. it was so sad, but it was funny cause, well it was funny.

today was a fun day.
i wish i had siblings who lived with me.
i wish i had bigger eyes.
i wish i had longer hair again.
i wish i could stop wishing cause i think i have all the things i need and im just being selfish.
today at church, i learned that a group of people praying together is more powerful than just one person praying. sooo, if you need someone to pray for you, im always here and just tell me your prayer requests. Ill pray for you. (: (: (:

OH, i wanna wish Happy Birthdays to...
REBEKAH:
happppppy birthday<3 even though i always make fun of you and tell you all these stuff that make you mad, dont forget that i love you. have fun in korean without me and hope that you have a wonderfullllllllllll 16th!~

JOE:
happy happy happy birthday! :D thanks for always making me laugh:) thanks for being awesome:) have a wonderful birthday with your new guitar! dont forget to play me a songgg! Me and Faith love you!!!<3 ;)

Peaceeeeeeeeeeeeeee<3

prayer

2009-07-13T22:33:00.000-07:00

i had a really bad day today. it was frustrating because i wanted to do something about a problem, but i couldnt. i was helpless. like a sheep with broken legs who lost its voice and couldnt "baa" to let anyone know that something was wrong.

once a year, i get depressed. its either during finals, or some frustrating month and this year, suprisingly, its here already.

today, i said my grandma and uncles name, and i started to tear up. i tried to explain to my mom about my headach, i started to tear up. people from the gym started to ask me if i was feeling okay, i started to tear up. i was listening to my ipod today, i started to tear up. my dad told me that our "youth" group from church was going to go on a retreat with people i dont know, i started to tear up.

this is probably going to last a...month? its going to suck. im gonna pray, but its still going to be hard for me. pray for me. please.

its summer. its hot. theres a lot that i wanna accomplish this summer. like i am soo determined, but i dont think i can do it alone. help me please.

harry potter is coming out tomorrow which is pretty crazy. im really excited and this is the only thing thats giving me my extra energy to not get sick.

this weekend is a leadership camp with ASB including Joe:) im excited, but not like HYPED. itll probably change as the week progresses.

i wanna go on houseboats. kailey and hannah described em so nice, i wanna go. it might be a really nice experience for me. im gonna pray bout it.

i have lots of things to pray for...

Peaceee

pain.

2009-06-09T19:44:00.000-07:00

Have you ever smelled pain?

so, im sitting at tutor, trying to figure out a math problem and my head starts to feel a little light. so i looked up from my book and then...at that exact moment, i took a breath of air and it smelled like...pain.

this may sound a little crazy but i REALLy did smell pain. I can't describe it to you because well, its been 1 hour and a half since the incident but, MANN was it NOT pleasant. My body felt like it was going to drop dead, and it smelled...like tree/flower pollen with a pinch of sugar. It wasn't sweet but it didnt smell bitter either.
When i mean by "smell", it did not cause me pain. it just was...pain it self. & It didnt smell like blood either. I've never tasted pain before so how should I know what pain smells like? I have no idea. but i know that THAT smell...was PAIN.

do u think it is possible to smell pain? or fear? or exhaustion? You know that saying, where like the enemy can smell your fear or was it a dog? IDK...my bff Jill (7th time!!!:D) but anyway, it was the weirdest experience I have experienced in a loooooong time. Tell me if you have gone through something similar like this:)

oh, and please pray for me so that i can do well on my finals next week and my grades won't be so bad...or my mom won't get so mad...:D

song of the day: "Only a God Like You" Tommy Walker
It makes me smile:)

Peace

crazy

2009-06-04T16:32:00.001-07:00

its over. finished. done...(:
last week and this week were elections and I worked realllly hard and gave it my all to win Junior President...it all paid off:D
Today, the minute the clock striked three, I ran to the ASB room. As I ran, I looked for familar faces, any expressions that would give me a hint to the results. I finally caught the face of a friend. she smiled at me and replied,"Congratulations Hannah"

I was Freshman President, Sophomore Vice President, and now Junior President.
To tell you the truth, when I was a freshman, I had no idea on what I got myself into and fundraising wasn't really on my mind. Until the end of freshman year, I realized that fundraising was super important but by then, we had only made a couple hundred dollars:/
Sophomore year, we had several fundrasing events but they didn't turn out so well. Now, the class of 2011 is in need of cash. reall bad.

Looking back at how I did, I feel terrible. I feel like I did not accomplish anything and looking at the results, it's true!
but you know what? I'm gonna fix it. I'm gonna make up for what I couldn't do and next year, the class of 2011 will make money. we must. we will.

I don't like being criticized and I don't want to be criticized, but I know that I will, because that is what happends to all leaders.

I don't want to sound negative but I'm being realll honest right here. dead serious. so if you're reading this, I just poured my feelings out. onto a blog. lucky you!(:

Anywayyyyyyyyy. CONGRATULATIONS TO ALLLLLLLL WINNERS! next year is gonna be the bomb:) and finally I won't be an underclassman!:D Let us rock together!

My election was saved by God. I thank him with alll my heart. He was my number 1 voter:)

<3&Peacee

later on in the day...

I feel so betrayed. I can't even consider that person my friend anymore...but we're gonna be so close to eachother. and others think that that person is so:innocent. ughh. what should I do? I want to be the bigger person, but I'm just so angry...I need God's courage. please pray for me...

JOE:thanks for being my friend. i am so blessed to have a friend like you!

PEACEEEE:)

i wish

2009-05-29T23:13:00.000-07:00

so, this week is over. it went by verry fast. it was a good week and a bad week. it was the week of campaign and right now, i realllly dont know whos gonna win. me, geena or david? idk, but whatever happens happens and i did try my best. yesterday, i wrote an essay for my math class and it sounded a lot like something i would write here. ill post it tomorrow or somethinn.

these days, i've been stressing out about pretty much everything. but i realized that when i play my guitar, alll my stress goes away:) just hearing my hands strum across the chords makes me smile:)
playing Chris Tomlin songs are wonderful and a lil bit of Taylor Swift makes me calm:)
----------------------------
although i have so many things in my life, i alwayss wish for more things. i just cant help itttt. there are so many things in life that i want to just put a "property of hannah" stamp on. HAHAHA. like...Michael Phelps orr Ashton Kutcher.

I wish I had...
a wand
a black guitar
a good functional working brain
wings
good grades
a bed that moves and rocks me to bed
a really good dream that i won't forget in the morning
a baby sibling
matt damon.

peace

Fun

2009-05-22T21:15:00.001-07:00

cheers for friday!:)
i like how its a friday night but im stuck at home...writing this blog. i am so glad this week is over, but my friday is not going to well:(

1) i got allergies. im allergic to everything starting from apples all the way to dust. i dislike this very much.
2) i should be at a taylor swift concert but im not. and i really thought i was gonna go and i really am in love with her. but i guess it was God's plan and someday, he will let me go meet her:)

so i was suprised at others' response to my last blog and it made me really happy:) im glad that people enjoy reading my blogs. anyway, my life hasnt gone through a BIG change since last Saturday, but i am seeing progress:)

That night on saturday, i took my bible and this book called, "Pathways to his Presence" (its a reallllllly goood book. i recommmend it very much.) and this book is like a everday plan lesson thing and it tells you what scriptures to read and just little tips on building a relationship with God. I've had this book awhile but i just never finished it. so i opened it to May 16 and to my suprise, it was talking about the importance of prayer and how if we dont pray, we are empty and we face a lot more difficulties. "Draw near to God and He wil draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded" James 4:8 i thought that this fit perfectly with my situation and at that moment, i realized that this was all part of God's plan. i was so happy and proud of myself:) now i read the bible everyday and even though i want to read my twilight, i get to tired and i turn of the lights, ending my day with a nice little prayer:)

soo school is boring as usual and the pressure of raising all my grades has drawn over me and i get depressed a little more everyday. but i think about the summer and even though this summers gonna be tough too, im gonna have fun. doing watever. im gonna do lots of things that i never have done and its gonna be memorable:) lettme know if u wanna make memories this summmmmer! live love laughhh

Yes. i took this picture. no photoshop or anything. this is natural. beautiful, huh?

Peace:)

so personal

2009-05-16T14:51:00.000-07:00

You know when you heard about someone, but you don't really know them, but you kind of do because of other people's remarks and saying. Well today, I met someone who did not know that I existed, but I knew that that person existed...That does not make ANY sense. haha. but you get what i mean,, right?

I remember that person saying something like, "my weakness is the fact that i am a people pleaser. I always try to please everybody, and thats pretty much impossible" SOMETHING like that. and that got me thinking...

I have a mom and a dad. But they are so different from eachother and its sometimes hard to please them both. My dad is a pastor and VERY spiritual. My mom grew up with churches and is somewhat spiritual. Although they believe in the same God, the way they look at things and the way they have their connectin with God is different. and me, im stuck in the middle, and because i am so confused on what to do, my relationship wiht God has been distant lately...very.

I pray every night to God. Thank him for giving me this bad/wonderful/okay/exciting day. it always depends. and right after, i list all these things i want or i want to accomplish and in a few words or so, i tell him how much i love him.

But thats it. I never find the time or am lazy to read the bible. and as i write this, i want to punch myself. before i go to bed, there is always someone saying "Hannah, man up and read the bible" "Hannah, just for 2 min., read the bible" but, i pick up a twilight book instead.

and what does this have to do with today? i dont know. but talking with this person and listening to that persons thoughts and seeing all that the person has done, it made me realize that i need to change. not change my hairstyle, or the way i talk, or my personality. change the direction that i am heading right now. i need to turn around and go a different road because i know that if i keep living like this, i might lose my faith in Jesus and ill become someone who..i dont know who ill become. but i know that its not someone that my parents want me to be or someone who God wants me to be. its gonna be tough cause my dad will want me to do this, and my mom will want me to do this, but i know that if i pray, God will find a way. and in the end, its going to please everybody...

that felt good. and im not just saying this. im gonna really try. im gonna rebuild my relationship with Jesus. Thanks for inspiring me, _________.

peaceee

longgg dayyy

2009-05-14T16:46:00.000-07:00

what a long week.
what a long day.

so im youtubing and just trying to get bored so i can sleep, when i get a message from JOE:) he wants me to do another blog.
how sweet:)
i never knew people read them. hahaha. yay(:

anyway. im fed up with school. it can go down the toilet. and teachers too. :D

my goal for this week is to get Taylor Swift Tickets:D
its soo hard though..but im gonna go. no matter what. its gonna be a tight nightt:)

anyway. todays a thursday. the longest but best day because tomorrow is FRIDAY:)
oh, and im running for President against my friends again. a repeat from freshman year. but its alright. its a nice competition for me and i think im going to learn a lot from it. but still, Vote For Hannah:)

Peaceee<3

man up

2009-04-28T22:52:00.000-07:00

its weird how a friend thinks they know how you feel and then the next second, they forget you are standing right next to them and starts babbling away. thats messed up.

so i didnt make it to varsity cheer. it was gay. i was pissed. i got over it.

im still pissed though. not cause i didnt get in, but because some dont take into consideration that even though i say its okay. i still feel a bit weird and its weird to hear conversations about how great next year is going to be in front of me. that sucks.

next year is going to be different and its going to be a change for me. i hope that change is good.

peace

reality sucks

2009-04-23T20:27:00.000-07:00

soooo. this week is the week after spring break, so it pretty much isnt all that great. i wish i can turn time around and PAUSE because last week was amazing and i had a BLAST. Last week, i went to COSTARICA:)

great place, funny people. thats all i have to say:D

anywayyy, today is a thursday and im BEHIND in euro homework:( so i haev to fiinish and catch up on everything TODAY. this week is also cheer tryouts so yea, its tiring and im a little afraid i wont make it cause i dont have my back hand spring. but oh well. if i dont make it, no practices and a free period:) yay! school sucks and i neeed to raise my grades AND study for euro. ughhhhhhhhh. im gonnna cry just thinking about it. anyway, the only person that reads this is Janine sooooo

ily JANINE:) <3
PEEEEACE

Songs in my Head

2009-04-06T22:24:00.000-07:00

Today is a Monday. it was a good monday though:)
it was my Mom's and my cousin Sharon's birtnday andd today was Open House. and after open house, we ate at FroYos which was pretty goood:D

well i was looking through my ipod i found soem very weird songs...

Raid on the Castle-Narnia:Prince Caspian
Corner of the Sky-Pippin
Why Do You Let Me Stay Here-She and Him
Weed Party- Band of Horses

(i have more buttt too much.)

anyway, these songs are so random/weird.
the narnia song, hahaha:) it makes me fall asleep, and DONT JUDGE. i reallly like it, i recommend to people!:D
Pippin song, its really weird because the version that i have is old and the guy sounds funny, but if you hear the recent one like THIS YEAR, its a reallllly goood song!:) and SHE AND HIM song, they are weird. the girl from YES MAN and teacher in bridge to terabithia or however you spell it is the singer there and shes goood:) im impressed. and Weed party, its not what you think. ;) band of Horses is a WONDERFUL band. go check them out.

right now, i am digging Gavin degraw, Jack's mannequin, Runner Runner, Jon Mclaughlin, and William Fitzsimmons.

anyway. homework awaits me.
PEACEEE:)

Crabby Patties

2009-04-03T18:02:00.000-07:00

This is ASB. Its an oldd picture but it stilll looks cute:)

So today was a crappy day. I was not very happy and it got better later on but my sixth period just ruined it for me ALLLLL over again. ): So today was Prom Court nominations and I wanted to give the crowns to the princes but the seniors wanted to do it and i got sad cause I wanted to do it but they were seniors so i got over it. but then, i guess i looked pretty sad/pissed and like ASB started to say stuff like "you have 2 years Hannah!" "Why are you soo sad?" and like stuff like that that kinda made me u know, embarassed. like i was totally okay with not giving out the crowns but i guess my face showed differently and they started to feel bad for me and i reallly didnt want them to feel bad for me cause i was OKAY. and like when the spotlight is on you, you start tearing up so then i started to tear up and that made them like think that i was REALLLLy sad but i really wasnt so they were saying stuff like "You can give out one crown!" and u know, treating me like i was a baby. and i understand them and i love them but i was FINE. i REALLLLLy was. and this made me think about something.

The way I act in front of them, maybe its not a good thing cause the way i see it, i act really..immature/childish/weird and all that stuff. soo they thought that i was really that when im really not. i might seem like a 5 year old who sings hannah montana in a 15yearold body, but thats just my hyper side. like i dont get upset easily and i am a chill person. i dont hold grudges for a long time and if you really know me, i am somewhat mature. and today, i felt as if i was kind of "underaged" and i didnt really like it so that made me kind of..pissed. but i wasnt pissed at them, i was pissed at the fact that i seemed so immature and them treating me like a baby.

but dont forget, ASB is my family and i reallllllllly am thankful for them. All of the seniors, even the ones who make fun of me, are really special and they are going to be missed, A LOT. I wish that today didnt make me seem like a childish baby to them and i hope that they treat me normally on Monday (picking on me). i enjoy the "mean" jokes and they make me laugh. i wonder if i become a junior next year, this will be the same, or if i am the one that picks on people. haha:) anyway. this alll happened 2nd period.

6th period.

my teacher is so mean. she is a jerk for suree. im nice to her but i guess that doesn't give a damn to her. she needs to chill out and teach the class something instead of having breakdowns every other days.

i love my math teacher mrs. rabe<3

it might seem crazy but she really is a great example to follow and really approachable. i can talk to her about ANYTHING.

well this was my day!

PEACEEE

Shine Bright

2009-03-27T21:39:00.000-07:00

this is my cousin. this picture ALWAYS makes me smile. no matter what. even though im really mean to her sometimes, i love her. and i love her for being in this picture and making me smile.

welll. three days agoo, i witnessed a miracle:)
Tuesday march 24, 2009
so, it started out as a regular day. but, i knew it wasnt a regular day cause it was the Rachel's challenge assembly. i knew about this assembly for aboutt..3 months and i was expecting it to be a tear jerker assembly. BUT i didnt know it was gonna make EVERYONE cry.
i mean our school is like 2000-3000 students and literally everyone was crying. and i was sitting in the wayyyy front of the assembly and i turned around and it was such an amazing sight. i see people hugging, crying, saying "i love you" and it was just beautiful.
the assembly was about rachel, and her efforts to spread kindness to others, but she was unfortunatly shot to death by these two kids at a school shooting. her brother, Craig game and just spoke to us about being kind and what we can do with our future with compassion in our hearts. we saw videos and images on the shooting and it really is a tragic story, but im glad that it ended like this. not that i would want rachel to die or anything, but this huge thing she left behind; its so big and its touched people's heart all over the world, and if it wasnt because of that accident, this miracle might have never happened. this was probably all part of God's plan and we should all thank God for that.
thanks God:)

When Craig was talking, he mentioned few things that caught my attention.
1. he said that some people with positive influences around him still choose to be negative while those unlucky people with bad influences have to live with it.
when i heard that, i immediatly thought of myself. i can get so negative for no reason and it made me think and it made me wanna change.
2. he said that when he was under that desk with his friends beside him dead, he was so scared. but when he prayed to God to take the fear away from him, he felt so much better.
that is a miracle. and if i am ever in a position like that, i wish to handel that situation exactly like Craig because it turned out to be the best things Craig ever did in his life.

that whole day was a good day. everyone was nice to eachother. and others might disagree with me about this being a miracle, but it was. if one guy can speak for an hour and make two thousand plus faculty cry; its not normal.

the reason i posted the photo of my cousin was because i want everyone to smile like that. that smile is one genuine smile and if we all smiled like that, our hearts would be brighter, making the world a lot brighter. lets all try to smile bright. lets all shine:)
peace

lazy

2009-03-26T19:49:00.000-07:00

soo, two days ago, i promised myself that i would write about tuesday but i couldnt because i was literally falling asleep standing upp. today, i have lots of homework, a euro test tmrw, and im falling asleep..again. and thiss blog i need to write about is not gonna take just five minutes, its gotta take time and effort and all of my hard workk

so tomorrow, i will forsureee write about tuesday and how that changed my life and the miracle and all that jazzz:)

today. is a thursday:) i noticed that i ALWAYS write on thursdays. even though thursdays are one of my busiest days of the week. haha..but anyway, i observed something today and it kinda made me sad.

today, i was at snack and we were selling yellow bracelets for the carnival this saturday and, OH. wait i had two things that made me really sad. so the first one, was i was speaking into the microphone and saying stuff like "GO to the Carnival. Buy your bracelets!" and all sorts of things like that. but all of a sudden, i hear this girl a yard away and she yells, "Shut UP!" O.O like cmmon. be a little kinder? i mean, im sorry im annoying, but its my job and i have to do this. so yea. it made me sad cause she was really rude. and it told me that the tuesday assembly about kindness didnt affect EVERYONE. i might be overreacting, but it was rude. so yea.,

seconnddd thing that madde me sad. At snack, we had the sound systems out and i was playing my ipod, and my itunes library; it doesnt have r&b music or rap or hip hop or all the music thats playing in radio stations and stuff. my songs are like, soft rock, acousitc, country pop, mellow music. and there was this one song called "Bruised" by jack's mannequin. and it was the next song to be played, so i played it. but these two guys was like, "ewwww. what is this? take it off. this is crap. piece of crap.." and so on and so far. and they take my ipod off and they put this song on which has two repeating lyrics with noisy music that sounds like garbage cans smashing eachother. my song, was a rock/acoustic that had a nice beat for you to just singa long to, which was my point. also my song has lyrics that actually mean something but what was their songabout? nothing. no meaning. nada. zero. and they call my music trash/crap.

what is music? its a cool way for someone to express their feelings. Andrew McMahon from jack's mannequin writes lyrics all by himself. and they express his feelings. what his thoughts are. the music that immediatly overpowered my song was noise. not music. and it saddens me to think that music these days are not really music. and even when there is a melody, the meaning is trash. somethin about doing it with girls or boys or getting happy or all that other stuff. i really dont know because i dont listen to music like that. but i think music is really important and people using music to only make money makes me sad..
this is my opinion.

welllll. i gotta start on my homeworkk
peace

the chain reaction

2009-03-24T23:51:00.001-07:00

so today was this...amazing day.
i witnessed a miracle.
and its not like a death saved experience, it was this powerful change that happened that just kind of shook me and i realllllly want to reflect on it.
BUT i am twitching my face off and im falling asleep so this will be
to be continuedd..

when rachel scott died ten years ago, her community, friends, and family all changed,grew,transformed into a pure rose. today, rachel visited me and i can feel myself change, transform, and grow into that person rachel wanted the world to be.

PEACE

Laughter

2009-03-18T21:36:00.000-07:00

i forget that i have a blog. and this blog reminds me of how lazy i am. ohh well.

anyway, TODAY was a good day. like when God thought he did good with creating the sun and the light and the dark and all that jazz; i thought today was a really good day.
Not only was today the last day of CAHSEE, it was so happy:D I remember laughing and laughing and laughing with all of my friends and i really have not had that in a WHILE. and i thank God for it.(:

this week is ALMOST over. debate this friday.cheer comp this saturday.church sunday. this weekend is going to go by soooo fast! where is spring break when you need it!?

anyway. i have euro homework waiting to be done! joyy:)
peace

eff my life

2009-03-12T19:49:00.000-07:00

parents dont know crap.seriously. i mean, what do they know about their child? nothing. period. there are no words that can describe how i feel .right.now.

today is a thursday. i love thursdays. i dont have that much homework.(:

but i still feel like crap right now...
peace

2/26/09: start today, end never

2009-02-26T20:11:00.000-08:00

This is the first blog i ever wrote in my entire life...excpet if you count xanga, but that was LONG time ago. Anyway, i joined because.. i guess i wanted to write somewhere other than a journal/diary.

SO today, is a Thursday, and i love Thursdays because its the day before Friday.(: I had to come to school at 7 because we had zero period for cheer-__- butt we only did our comp routine twice so the rest of the period was chill. Tomorrow is FRIDAY, anddd its SANDIEGO! YAY=) cheer is annoying, but there are still those sweet spots:) im coming back on sunday &i wish this trip would be a stress free vacation. Also today, me and irene sold iFLURTZ and lots of people came up to buy it but i think more people need to start buying because this fundraiser is our hope to a sickk prom.. anyway, i have a research paper due tmrw and i need to finish it cus i dont wanna sleep late today.
i hope this blog entry will help me get rid of my stress. hahha, i.am.so.gay.
peace